Windows of the Soul – Members Content

A useful framework for developing our Emotional Intelligence, The Johari Window, helps us visualise how we can expand our self-awareness and deepen our intimacy. Picture a four-paned window that represents you. Within the window is everything that is known and unknown about you. It includes factual information such as your age, sex, which school you attended etc. It also includes your history, your memories, genetic and medical facts, your emotions, hopes, character and personality traits. Each of the four panes represent different areas of knowledge about you:

• The Open pane contains those things that both you and your beloved know about you.
• The Hidden pane contains those things that you know but your spouse does not. Sometimes it can be good judgement to not disclose some information with some people such as your medical history to a potential employer. In your relationship with your spouse, deliberately withholding significant information can be very damaging to your trust, especially if it is discovered through another source.
• The Blind area has all those things that your spouse knows or sees in you that you don’t know about yourself. For example, a common situation is when there are aspects of your personality or habits to which you don’t like to admit, but which your spouse can see clearly.
• Finally, the Unknown area is a mystery to you both and awaits discovery.

Expanding Your Emotional Intelligence

For your marriage relationship to thrive and deepen in intimacy, you will need to simultaneously reduce the Unknown area and increase the Open area. There are essentially three ways to do this:

1. Self-disclosure. You can willingly and consciously choose to be open with information about yourself. This can be difficult but is facilitated by using the L.I.F.E. and Communion tools.
2. Feedback. You can seek opportunities for your spouse to provide feedback on what they see but which you can’t see yourself. This can sometimes be painful as some information will highlight your short-comings. It can also be pleasantly surprising as many people have strengths and qualities that they have difficulty recognising and accepting.
3. Shared Discovery. As you journey through life together there will be many opportunities for you to uncover aspects of yourself that are currently unknown. For example, having your first child will reveal expectations and instincts about parenting that are presently unexpressed. Dealing with the death of a parent or close friend will present you with new insights into your emotions and attitudes about mortality. In fact, every new experience will be an opportunity for discovery!