Reconciliation – Members Content

Love means more tha saying “I’m sorry”

Concept: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not an emotion.

Forgiveness is a choice; a choice to let go of your resentment against your fiancé.

Forgiveness is a vital step to the restoration of your unity.

There’s a difference between the ‘I’ centred statement “I’m sorry”, and the other centred statement, “Will you forgive me?”

The ‘I’ centred statement simply acknowledges a fact. A person might recognise that they behaved poorly, inconsiderately, insensitively, thoughtlessly or carelessly. They might also just want to move on or be done with it without a change of heart. One can say “I’m sorry” and remain self-centred and unrepentant.

“Will you forgive me” on the other hand, means that a person wants to be back in relationship with the other. It requires vulnerability and trust because it risks rejection for the good of the other and for the relationship. Vulnerability and repentance open the door to intimacy.

You can grow in love most powerfully when you humbly ask forgiveness of the other. It is your concern for the one you love that brings about your repentance. Your focus is not so much on how bad you are, but rather how good he or she is. Your willingness to be vulnerable not only demonstrates purity of heart and authentic love but builds the trust between you.

Pride is always divisive. Asking for forgiveness requires humility, and humility will endear you to each other and draw you into unity.

Stories of the Heart

Our dear friend Fr Chuck would often tell us how precious our “Sacrament”, our love for each other, is to everyone in the Church, and how the community is counting on us to be a visible sign of Christ’s love. “Heal before you hit the door,” he would often advise with a smile, suggesting that people were depending on us to be at our best and we had no right to let them down.

I remember one particular Christmas Eve Mass. Our families were visiting from out of state and were already waiting for us back at our house as we drove home from church. But, we had gotten into an argument and hurt each other’s emotions. There was a cold distance between us in spite of the joyful evening.

As we sat parked in our own driveway we realised that if we went inside without reconciling we might pretend that we were okay but we would just be putting on a show. Instead of going straight in, we stopped ourselves and actually took the time to write and share our emotions. What resulted was a tender reconciliation through tears. When we finally went into the house, we were so joyful that I remember thinking that we had actually brought ‘Christmas’ to the Christmas Party.