Priorities & Ideals – Members Content

What are your priorities?

Priorities and Ideals are principles that you embrace as important to the quality of life you hope to experience. An Ideal is something you believe is good and desirable, however it remains an Ideal if you are not yet ready to make the sacrifices necessary to fit it into your life. A Priority is something in which you actually invest time, energy or money in the present.

In your conversations with each other, you are often more likely to talk about lofty ideals and the beliefs that you have in common rather than share your real lived priorities.

Ideals are important because every Priority was once an Ideal, but your lived Priorities offer a clearer look at what you truly value. Simply owning your behaviour is a refreshing and honest exercise.

Of course, if you find that what you spend your time, money and energy on is different to what you espouse as ideals, you can always re-evaluate. You are free to decide to make an ideal a priority by investing time, money or energy in it. Conversely, you are also free to spend less time, energy or money on those things that you judge should have lower priority than they currently do.

You both have priorities that are deeply important to you. They have generally been formed into you by, or as a reaction to, your past experiences including your family of origin.

When you understand both your own and your fiancé’s priorities, you can better understand why each of you behaves the way you do. Knowing what’s important to your fiancé provides an opportunity for you to make what’s important to him or her, important to you. There is no such thing as not having enough time for something that is important to your fiancé: the truth is, you make time for the things that are important to you. The real question is: how willing are you to adjust your priorities in order to love your fiancé more effectively?

Stories of the Heart

My Dad was always working hard around the house and I pretty much assumed that that’s what men did. After marriage, I fell into the habit of filling every minute of every day with one chore or project after another. I thought I was supposed to be busy all the time, but being busy with my tasks took me away from my wife and left her feeling lonely. I came to realise that she was more interested in having my attention and talking with me than having me get so much done. I learnt to plan our day together and build in things that were important to her as well as to take breaks to catch up with each other. The end result was that we stayed more connected and I felt less driven to produce.

After we married and had a few children, I stopped taking so much care with my appearance. I didn’t bother putting on makeup or styling my hair because I just didn’t think it was worth the energy or time. I was too busy caring for three toddlers under the age of five.

When I realised that my husband really appreciated it when I took a bit more care, I decided to lift my game. He feels affirmed as a man to have a good looking wife that other men notice, so I reordered my priorities to make this work. It meant having less time to read the newspaper in the morning and getting up 10 minutes earlier, but I did it!

Prayer

Heavenly Father,
We thank you for the ability
to heal and to grow through our love.
Help us to be open to your graces
of humility and repentance
in seeking forgiveness.
Fill us with compassion for each other
and a deep desire for unity.
We ask this through Jesus, our Lord,
Amen.