Emotional Communion – Members Content

Emotional Communion is more than just reading or listening actively to what our loved one is sharing. It involves opening our heart in vulnerability to the other, so that we can enter into his or her emotion and be united with them in the experience.

The goal of Emotional Communion is to take on the other’s emotions and needs, empathising so completely that we get a taste of what it is like to be them.

Common Traps When Listening

In many respects, listening has become a lost art. Very few of us have developed our listening skills, and most of us have fallen into patterns that undermine our ability to build intimacy. Some common traps are:

• Listening with our answer running. This happens when we are preoccupied with formulating our response while the other is speaking. Rather than communicating, we are engaging in an interrupted monologue.
• Thinking about how this will affect me. This is a self-centred mindset that allows fear to block our ability to love and connect with each other.
• Debating rather than relating. We are not listening well when we are primarily concerned with how to influence the other. Listening involves allowing ourselves to be touched by the other’s words.
• Presuming negative motives. Reading between the lines is only helpful when we assume the best about the other. It is more helpful to concentrate on what they are feeling rather than why they are feeling the way they are.
• Hearing with the ears, not listening with the heart. Listening to emotions is a very active effort to understand what it is like to be the other. We need to pay attention with all our senses. Hear the tone of his voice. See the look on her face. Touch him to encourage or reassure him. Imagine tastes or smells that describe her feelings.

CONCEPT: Good Communicators Are…

• OTHER-CENTRED: They are respectful of and compassionate towards their fiancé.
• SELF-AWARE: They know themselves and are prepared to share that knowledge with their fiancé.
• SELF-DISCIPLINED: They do not indulge in unregulated self-expression but are clear and concise when they share. They listen attentively and stay focused.