Stop. Reflect. Connect. – Members Content
FOR DECISION MAKING
Whenever you are making a difficult or important decision, or disagree about how to go about something, the Stop-Reflect-Connect tool for Decision Making can be used. It helps you to avoid an argument by refocusing you on your priority – your fiancé and your relationship.
Stop!
Before the disagreement escalates to an argument, call a ‘time out’ and cool off. Take a moment to pray for the grace of ‘wisdom’ so that you might better understand yourself and your fiancé.
Reflect
Use the ‘Time Out to ask ‘Why?’’ tool to do some detective work on yourself to discover what values are driving you towards a particular point of view:
- What do I want? – In straight-forward and honest language state simply what you want.
- Why is it important to me? – Think about the underlying values. What good will come of doing it this way?
- How important is it to me? – Use a scale of 1-10 for each value you have identified.
Connect
Come together and:
- Unclutter with whatever physical contact is most comfortable for you.
- Understand each other’s values. Exchange your notes and discuss together. How can you embrace your fiancé’s value?
- Brainstorm possible solutions. Evaluate each solution according to how well it honours both of your values. Identify the one which is in the best interests of your relationship.
Concept: COUPLE UNITY
The most important value for a couple is their unity.
This is the ‘trump card’.
All decisions and choices should be measured against how well it advances their unity.
Tool: Stop. Reflect. Connect
For Decision Making
When disagreeing about an issue:
Stop:
- Call a time out
- Cool off, self-soothe
- Pray for wisdom
Reflect (Time-out to ask ‘Why?’):
- What do I want?
- Why is it important to me?
(i.e. the underlying values) - How important is it (1-10)?
Connect:
- Unclutter (make physical contact)
- Understand (values): How can I embrace my fiancé’s value?
- Brainstorm possible solutions: What is in the best interests of our relationship?
