Love Gives Life – Members Content

True love cannot be contained; it always gives life in some form. For most couples, this will result in the biological birth of a child. For others, it will be expressed in a shared effort to generously give of their time and talents to others.

“Masculinity contains in a hidden way the meaning of fatherhood and femininity that of motherhood.”
Theology of the Body, n 22. pg 217

During your wedding ceremony, you will be (or were) asked:

“Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?”

When we love someone deeply, we want more of that person in the world and we yearn to see our love made flesh in a child. We can sometimes doubt ourselves but we rarely doubt the other’s ability to be a good father or a good mother. We give each other the gift of maternity or paternity as an act of trust and belief in our spouse’s goodness. No matter how much we desire to be a mother or a father, it can only happen if our spouse says “Yes” to us.

Most people have an innate desire to do the right thing, especially when they are in love. They want to please God but when it comes to when, or how many children to have, they can get confused as to what is God’s will for them. In deciding when and how many children to have it is best to be neither selfish nor careless.

The Church has far too much awe for the creation of human life to ever dictate how many children a couple should have.

The Church only asks that you invite God into the discernment and remain open to life in the process of regulating births. This is known as its teaching on Responsible (or Conscious) Parenthood. If you share responsibility for your children as husband and wife and stay attentive to God’s involvement in all aspects of your lives, these decisions will naturally and peacefully resolve themselves.

Furthermore, if you understand that intercourse is the body language that speaks your wedding vows, you will be constantly reminded that you give your whole self, including your fertility, to the other. To actively sterilise intercourse through the use of contraception, changes its intrinsic meaning and undermines the total gift of self.

‘Birth control’ is primarily a trust issue; trusting each other and trusting God. Women can find it difficult to trust that their husbands will be as involved and invested in the children as they must be, if he is uninvolved with them emotionally. Men often find it difficult to trust in their own ability to provide for their family or in God’s involvement in the family’s financial well-being. Both can question whether they have the emotional resources to care for a child, forgetting that God’s assistance and grace is always available to them if they ask for it.

Trust is a journey that begins with the couple. It grows with emotional intimacy and each demonstration of responsible and trustworthy behaviour. The more you trust the other to be there for you, the more you will trust God to be involved in your love for each other and your willingness to be open to new life. If you pray for the grace ‘to desire children as much as the Father desires them for you’, and you do desire to have children, you will always know that your children were first desired by God and you will be able to trust that God will be there to love them and care for them their whole life long.

Society would have women believe that they become less attractive during pregnancy, but no man is ever more in love with his wife than when she is carrying his child.

Children will help you fall more in love with each other because children extend you and draw out your virtue, making you more attractive to each other, more grateful and more trusting.

The other’s generosity or tenderness toward a son or daughter can inspire awe in you and draw you to them all the more.