Free to Love – Members Content
The challenge before you is to learn to love the other effectively and to do so wholeheartedly and consistently with God’s abundant grace. Clearly some couples are ‘natural couples’; their formation makes it easy for them to express love in ways that are appreciated by the other. Other couples need to be constantly alert and more intentional. There are advantages and disadvantages to both situations.
In the first case, compatibility and harmony are easily accomplished but the danger is that the relationship can become mechanical, stale, or complacent. All too often couples who are comfortable do not reach for more; they need to be proactively searching out experiences that will help them to grow in their relationship.
In the second case, where each spouse must intentionally choose to love effectively each day, there is an awareness of being fully present in the relationship. They are actively in love and generally aware of new possibilities for growth, but the danger is that they can grow weary, or be distracted by issues and become conflicted. Because it takes more energy and greater focus, they need to tap into God’s grace more consistently, praying for other-centred passion and delight.
The journey to becoming a couple is more difficult if you begin with very different ideals; yet, during this time of marriage preparation, you can start to consciously choose to embrace a set of common values that you will live out together. God’s grace is surely sufficient if your will to love is strong. After all, love is in the will.
Freedom from your formation and expectations
Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife and they become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
The journey of becoming a couple involves leaving your family in order to be free to cleave to your spouse. Only then can a couple become one flesh. Facing your formation and expectations allows you mastery over them. Your prayer and reflection can bring you the freedom to love, to choose to be a ‘gift’ to the other.
“In order to become a gift, each for the other … they must be free in exactly this way. Here we mean freedom above all as self-mastery.” – TOB n15. page 186.
Stories of the Heart
My Mother is a peacemaker. Whenever there is disagreement, she is the first to seek reconciliation. In our marriage, I have adopted this same role. The problem is that we seem to be having the same arguments over and over. I feel really uncomfortable when there’s disharmony between us, but I realise that in my rush to restore peace, we bypass the important task of understanding what is dividing us. I’ve learnt to tolerate my emotions enough to slow down our reconciliation so that we can fully explore the issue before we forgive and bring it to closure.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.
1 John 4:18
