Embracing the Other’s Value – Members Content

The call to unity is a call to be predisposed to see things from a couple perspective, taking the other into account and embracing that which affects one as affecting both.

…Making what is important to your fiancé important to you…

When you make what is important to your fiancé important to you, they will feel important to you. It is a powerfully loving act and the first step on the journey to developing couple values. We each come into marriage with different ideas of what is normal, things we care about, or opinions as to the ‘right’ way of doing things.

You have established habits that you picked up from your early years or from behaviours that have worked for you as individuals. As you begin to build a new family, you will establish standards and traditions together. The process of sifting through the externals to find the value for why you do what you do can help you to embrace what is important to the other, clarify what you really want as a couple, and develop shared values.

A husband and wife ‘become one’, not just physically, but in mind, heart and affection as they grow closer each day through all their actions, communications and decisions. As with the mystery of the Trinity, they can remain distinct persons yet be totally open and responsive to each other.

Deliberately choosing to make what is important to one, important to both, is the way you can intentionally develop your coupleness. It is a conscious choice to accept and embrace the other and to honour their values as we would our own.

Stories of the Heart

My husband has always enjoyed playing a musical instrument. He can read music and sings well; so he was naturally attracted to music ministry when we first got involved in our parish. The only problem was that I am tone deaf. I preferred to teach CCD, do the readings, or give out Communion. Rather than just tolerate each other’s separate interests, we decided to embrace them. It was pretty simple to learn a few chords on the guitar and be willing to join him in the choir. We felt connected and shared such great times together. My husband decided to join me as a catechist. We taught the class as a couple in our home and the teens were so attracted to how in love we were that they brought more and more of their friends. We cherish the memories of those times together but mostly it was an experience of being loved and cherished by each other.

Decision Making

Once you understand each other’s values, you will be able to brainstorm possible solutions that will honour both of your values. Such solutions allow both of you to enter into the decision with enthusiasm

The final ‘litmus test’ or principle, upon which you should make all your decisions should be:

What is in the best interests of our relationship?

In other words, your ‘couple unity’ is the most important value. It is the trump card. When you make the ‘best interests of your relationship’ the reference point for your decisions, it empowers you to prevent the demands of other people and things in your life from infringing on your marriage.

“… human beings, created as man and woman, have been created for unity, but also [it is] precisely in this unity through which they become ‘one flesh’.
TOB, n10. pg 168.