Affirmation – Members Content

Consistent, sincere affirmation has the capacity to heal the wounds of inadequacy from which so many of us suffer. It communicates acceptability and lovableness. It lifts us up, and helps us feel better about ourselves. However, the power of affirmation is not limited to the recipient only. The person making the affirmation is also transformed. We become more optimistic, and we’re more fun to be with. Looking for and affirming the goodness in another lifts our own spirit and cultivates an attitude of gratitude and generosity in us.

Conversely, criticism damages the sense of worthiness in our partner. It works against our mission to love and to communicate our partner’s acceptability. When we criticise another, we also damage our own spirit; instead of focusing on our blessings, we see only the inadequacies of others. Criticism saps the enjoyment out of our life, and is like a poison to a marriage.

We are certainly not saying that we should avoid correcting mistakes or confronting problems, but it is important to do so with an affirming spirit.
There is a distinct difference between criticism and correction. Criticism assigns a negative motive or implies an innate inadequacy in the other. It is aimed at the personhood and is negative. Correction is a simple truthful statement that assumes virtue or goodwill in the other and is aimed only at objective facts.

An example of simple correction would be: “Honey, you must have forgotten that we are visiting your parents on Sunday – we need to cancel that rsvp to Jen’s BBQ”. A critical way of saying the same thing would be: “If you were paying attention and taking some responsibility you would have noticed that the diary has your parents on Sunday. Now I have to apologise to Jen! Can’t you ever do anything right?” Even words that are intended to be a simple correction can come across as criticism if we use a tone of voice that is accusatory, exasperated, or disrespectful. It is all in our attitude.

Unconditional Positive Regard

Affirmation is an attitude and a posture of the heart that is focused on the other’s virtue and is filled with tender respect and gratitude for their love. As husbands and wives, one of the greatest gifts we can give each other is to communicate God’s unconditional love and acceptance by intentionally affirming each other.

Theology of the Body Insight

Mutual Wonder

“On seeing the woman created by God, man’s first words express wonder and admiration, or even better, the sense of fascination” (cf.0 Gn 2:23). TOB, n108:5. pg 552.

Our masculinity and femininity is revealed and developed in relationship. The more we accept and develop our masculinity or femininity in authentic relationships, the more we become aware of ourselves as whole persons, that is, as an integration of body and soul. The deeper this awareness, the more capable we become of giving ourselves to the other as gift.

When we see the other as a whole sexual person, we see the depth of who they are as a man or woman and we are attracted in love to their reciprocal femininity or masculinity.

St Pope John Paul II calls this the “perennial attraction” of the male and female. It draws out our generosity and inspires us to love unselfishly.

“Love unleashes a special experience of the beautiful, which focuses on what is visible, although at the same time it involves the entire person.”
TOB, n108:6. pg 554.